The takers get the honey
The givers sing the blues
Really? Why? Time for change
A Question of Good Governance sent by Christmas and New Year?
Christmas is about giving — so we are told each and every year.
It seems, the ethos of giving of time freely is disappearing and more and more we experience organised, market driven, events ‘to save you time and effort’ — surely the essence of Christmas is making the effort and giving of one’s self in the preparation (and indulgence) of good times with family and friends.
There is the return of how a paid volunteer is still a volunteer. We hear of people who proclaim to be public servants who complain their remuneration is not adequate — usually earning at least double the national average salary, it only adds to how superficial and impious their empty rhetoric has become.
New Year is about new beginnings, making those changes required to drive those ambitions we failed to delivery on last year.
What is going to be different?
Maybe a stock take of how others see you and how you sense others are doing unto you and those around you.
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We all become selective as to how we hear things, channel information and opinion to reinforce what we want to listen to, how we want to see things. We are all subject to change, there is a natural style, our default, but our senses are constantly taking in the signals being sent by people around us and the events we find ourselves acting in, speaking on, hearing of.
Think on these points:
§ How many of us have reacted to the giving messages sent by the corporate charities at Christmas? Are we truly concerned about the issues? Or are we salving our conscience as we imbibe Christmas spirit?
§ Making New Year’s resolutions follows in the same vein. How many of us took in or dismissed the words of political leaders saying they will make a difference come the New Year?
§ Do you do make resolutions because you think the change of numbers of the calendar will change your mind-set?
o Do it because everyone else is doing it?
o Don’t do it because you know, just know, your natural style and will work accordingly?
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Let us look at the four broad groups, two very overt — Giver and Taker — and very much the minority, and the vast majority of us in Signaller and Reticent
Giver: are people who have made a pact with themselves to build from what they give to others. This is not always altruistic; there are those who run themselves into huge debts as they seek, through giving, to gain something else. So often people want to create a façade of being open and giving; of showing wealth. Sadly this stems from the opening elements and the marketing of what corporates want from Christmas rather than the ethos of Christmas and the giving of one’s self.
Luckily for societies under strain, interestingly, there have been, some fantastic examples of people giving of their time and talents. This is particularly apparent in addressing the social ills we have within societies where inequality and inequity are reaching levels where social unrest is apparent. People giving up their Christmas Day to feed homeless in a number of major cities — the use of a major train station in London to offer something for people left aside far too regularly the rest of the year.
Spot the nuances in the Giver in your social set.
Taker: always seek to turn points to their advantage. Asymmetric relations where someone will work the situation to take advantage, draw out opportunity without reciprocating. Extending an invitation but then expecting guests to pay, influencing the giver without offering real appreciation of what is given.
As Robin Trower put it:-
Too many cooks yeah spoil such a good thing
I know I laughed out loud but that was then
Ain’t it funny, a fool and his money
Always seemed to find was those real good friends
That stone just keeps on rolling
Bringing me some real bad news
The takers get the honey
The givers sing the blues
Robin Trower — Too Rolling Stoned — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OT21jl9Afbc
But the vast majority of us are not in these categories. We want to give, but not so freely. We all want to receive, take, our fair share. Or at least what we think is our fair share. And so we slip into these groups constantly seeking to send messages and receive reciprocal indicators of mutual support and growth:-
Signaller: people who are open to giving more. More of themselves and their worldly goods and chattels; as long as they see others are opening to the same messaging. It is the classic Win-Win situation; but who starts the round off? The ‘pay-it-forward’ principle may come in here. But who is willing to launch?
‘Our actions are like ships which we may watch set out to sea, and not know when or with what cargo they will return to port.’
Iris Murdoch — The Bell
People will send signals they are ready to win — if others are engaging and all are willing to risk a little self-esteem for the greater good as the Taker become the minority and Giver take the honey.
Who is going to give not knowing what returns are coming?
Reticent: People tend to wait for others to send the signals. The vast majority of us take social signals developed by habit en masse in societies. We have social norms and act accordingly. Some, those Reticent airing toward the Takers, look to push ahead believing the other Reticent will not react. Be in London during rush hour and watch those who think they can bully their way forward with a bit of bravado. Sometimes there is a Signaller and the Reticent will gang up to take action against such people who think social norms include them always being first.
The World does not run with Giver and Taker. It cannot since the polarities destroy all that is good and accommodating. We need much more in the Signaller for those of us in the Reticent to differentiate the Utopian idylls of Givers whilst throwing away the fake news of Takers seeking to exploit the vast majority of us
Our social equilibrium being in a good place depends on Signallers mobilising through the Reticent and having us act with reciprocity, with the dignity necessary to have all of us contribute.
To continue the dialogue and enter some debate: a short piece from Barack Obama, the last President of the United States (catch the inference and think on Giver and Taker) — https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58KgDXc-A9o who continued a few themes of Signaller and encourage the Reticent and, maybe, built on this classic slogan from 1875 (look it up may surprise a few):-
Jeder nach seinen Fähigkeiten, jedem nach seinen Bedürfnissen
A contribution and a signal — interpret for sure. Let us all send positive signals and challenge our reticence to take on those manipulating for their own (perverse) wants to the detriment of the needs of the many.
